The roles of men and women in the 21st century are changing according to an interesting article in Womens Health Magazine. In our generation a lot of women work, and a majority of highly successful women are finding it harder to find men that they feel are intellectually and financially on the same footing as they are. Part of the reason they say is that more men (atleast in the USA) seem to be slacking off with fewer rates of men graduating from highschool, college and post graduate programs.
What’s causing this? Are men feeling disempowered by women? Are they content to have sugarmommies? Do they feel immasculated by strong women? Or is it a result of today’s society filled with a gangster culture, glorified movies about slackers and unprecedented levels of promiscuity? I’m sure the reasons are not as simplified as the ones I’ve just listed.
In Islam we are all required to seek knowledge and to earn a lively hood. We are not allowed to shirk our duties or our responsibilities and regardless of who makes more money, in Islam the man’s responsibility is to take care of his wife. Perhaps our society needs to reevaluate what makes a good marriage partner. Time and again I’ve seen families refuse to give their daughter’s hand in marriage to a man whose only disqualification is not being in the same financial bracket as the girls’ family. In today’s society it is hard enough to find a man who is straight, intelligent, good natured, untraumatized, and well adjusted, now we have to add finances to the mix!
All I can say to the men that have trouble accepting women who earn more than them and are better educated than them is to look at Rasulullah SAW whose wife Khadijah RA was richer than he was and who actually employed him. If our blessed Prophet was not too proud to marry a women with a higher income than he had, then who are you to feel too proud?
We live in very trying times, so my advice to the men and women seeking spouses is to make sure you don’t deprive yourself of a wonderful and fulfilling relationship because of your ego, or because you are too busy caught up in what is considered “acceptable” in todays world.
[image source: Flickr]
I do agree with you Nusrah, i have been thinking about this quite a bit for the last few years, is it our independence too that makes men shiver and nervous? I wonder why some men are so insecure about strong women.
I think that men that tend to be insecure about strong women are insecure about themselves and are afraid that women will sense that and undermine them. Part of it might also be how they were raised to percieve women, if they felt that their mom was weak and their dad was strong then that is what they seek out and find acceptable.
I find that the best men are those that are confident in themselves and in their wives strengths and who encourage them to do things they never thought they could do. I pray that we all find such men!
salam, i do reason with the brothers due to the fact that the 2 reason stated categorically in the quran abt the superiority of a man over a woman is basically physical strengh and the financial liablility. and if the opposite is attained dy will naturally feel intimidated of losing the respect n authority the bread winner naturally gets furthermore cases abound in the society where successful women do nt fulfil dir marital responsiblities. however we should not allow our success over take our piororities and we shld learn to be humble at all times…
I believe that today’s man regardless of what religion or background he is from, is having hard time to commit himself to marriage, there is not much expectation of him to prove himself as a “MAN”, characters are overlooked today to be replace by financial status, so men invest more time in achieving financial security instead of working on devoleping strong personal character, and who is to blame, the list is long, from the women themself, to the girl’s parent, to society and so on…. let’s start with women themselves, they are becoming more demanding than ever,since they have been achieving education and career today , they have a higher expectation from the men, they want him, rich, cute, intelligent, romantic, and the list goes on, I am not saying that a women should stop looking for these qualification in men, but they need to get their priority strait, they should think what is the most important thing that they have to have in a prospective husband? look? intelligence? religious devotion? money?education? family background? let’s list them all by priority and go from there . InshaAllah, every woman will end up having her cake and eat it too
i say sisters so many factors come into play, and thus results in this situation. no one is to blame. May Allah (SWT) make it easy for us all. AMEEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Salam to all. I believe this issue to be a very complex one with no single cause or forseeable solution save prayer. Ladies, let us not forget the proportion of men to women in the world (right now I think it’s 1:4). Perhaps that’s why Allah made it halal for men to have more than one wife…only Allah knows. It’s kind of hard to find “Mr.Right” when men are few to begin with.
Secondly, I think in order to select a prospective mate, one has to truly know themselves. You have to know what you want in life. Finding a mate is like fitting two pieces of a puzzle together; How can you determine the other is a match if you don’t know which shape you are? Find yourself by yourself, know yourself, love yourself, accept yourself, THEN you can find someone for yourself.
Third, marriage itself is not perfect. It’s a lot and I mean a lot of hard work and both parties have to be equally dedicated in making the relationship work. Allah helps those who help themselves, right?!
Building your expectations too high might be another problem. No one is perfect except for Allah, so why are we looking for our mates to be? Accept him as he is and insha Allah, you have a lifetime to work on improving the rest together. Let’s not forget, the same way we scrutinize them, they may scrutinize us. Expectations that are too high lead to greater and bigger disappointments each time. There after, feelings of loss and hopelessness follow. Let’s not put ourselves in a situation where we don’t even feel like trying anymore.
Lastly, and most importantly, put your trust in Allah. Ask him to find the best fit for you and insha Allah, “Casanova” will come your way.
Please, please sisters and brothers….when sharing data with others, check the facts. I hear muslims time and again trying to do a Thomas Aquinas by merging science and religion. The fact is that the sex ratio in the world actually favors women, not men. It has for a long time remained more or less even, that is 1:1. Check the CIA world fact-book, wikipedia, etc.
Just yesterday I was reading about breastfeeding and islam. As I understand it we are commanded to breastfeed for two whole years. To breastfeed well is to be with baby constantly, regularly. As I see it, that means no employment IF humanly possible. I wish I could source this but the phone that I’m typing on won’t allow. Allah provides us with a clear family structure and behaviors. The closer we follow that the better off we’ll be now and later.
I chose a husband sololy because he was the first pious guy to offer marriage, though not without discussing it a lot with Allah to make sure He wanted the marriage. And blessings and mercy have followed. While it goes against the grain, Allah knew better than me, or anyone in my particular family, or social circle, who was best for me. And He delivered : )