This is for all my single sisters out there. It’s okay, you’re not a pariah, you’re not ugly, there’s nothing wrong with you, you’re not under an evil charm and someday soon, in sha Allah, your turn will come. While I have a lot to say about being single, today I want to share with you these wise words my sister shared with me, perhaps they’ll inspire you, give you hope and help quieten the negative thoughts in your head. It’s a bit of a long read, so I’ve shortened it but if you want to read the whole thing, just click here

xoxo,
Nusrah

Why Am I Still Not Married? The Silver Lining of Being Single By Sadaf Farooqi

I remember the chagrin and inner turmoil of being single and hopeful of marriage, back during my early twenties!

Even after almost a decade of marriage, I still vividly remember the constant roller-coaster of emotions that the heart experiences every time a marriage proposal is negotiated.

One thinks: Is this the one?

Will this family/person be my future spouse/in-laws?

Sometimes the marriage negotiation process painstakingly goes on for months, only to culminate in nothing. Up go one’s dreams, hopes and aspirations about the future into thin air! Once again, it is back to square one.

Whether a young, single Muslim is a man or woman, if they are ardently desirous of completing half their Deen, the anguish and frustration (including sexual angst) they feel whenever another year of their life passes by without any impending nuptials on the horizon is, contrary to gender-discriminating cultural myths, similarly disconcerting and unnerving.

Wherever in the world they might be, as the years pass and the number of fruitless marriage proposals grows, the singleton might begin to feel despondent and worn down by this trial of patience in their quest of completing half their Deen.

So what should one tell a young forlorn wannabe bride or groom when they justifiably ask: “Why am I still unmarried?”

1. First of all: There Is Nothing Wrong with You!

* Allah created the beautiful, unique you, and if He decrees it, someone out there will agree to marry you just the way you are.

* So do not despair of Allah’s mercy, and remain positive that someone out there will like you and agree to marry you, in Shaa’ Allah.

* Never let others make you feel that if you are thirty-something and still not married, it is because either there is something wrong with you, or because Allah has decreed for you to forever remain single

2. Divine Wisdom behind Perceived “Delays” in Marriage

* Marriage can take place at any age in life, even at 50 or 60, as Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) and many of his companions practically demonstrated.

*It is also a fact that marriage will not happen within the first 2 or 3 decades of life for every one of us. So we should give more leeway and refrain from making blanket, generalized statements about our older, single brothers and sisters.

3. Becoming Mature and Responsible Enough First

* It is not that God is not answering your du’as. Maybe He has already accepted your du’as for marriage with a righteous person, but it will actually happen practically after a few more years, when it is best and easiest for you to enter this sacred union with that person.

* He knows everything about you that even you do not know, which is called ‘the Unseen’, or “ghaib” in Arabic.

4. Da’wah Experience and Acquisition of Knowledge

* Perhaps God wants you to seek more knowledge and engage in more active da’wah work before you settle down in married life.

* ‎These‬ precious years of your youth will never return, and In Shaa Allah, decades down the road, a more mature and wise you will cherish, like a priceless gem, every year of experience that you acquired in the fields of Islamic knowledge and da’wah before getting married.

5. Better than Early Divorce

* It could be that your being single, which is a painful trial of patience in your eyes, is a blessing in disguise that is acting as a barrier between you and worse calamities and adversities.

6. Increase in Humility

* A delay in marriage increases one’s humility, and makes one more down-to-earth and approachable by others. It also ensures that one constantly keeps turning to Allah in earnest du’as – which is something that Allah loves about His slaves!

7. Blessings Received after Hardship Are Cherished More

* The more one waits for, works hard for, and remains patient for acquiring a blessing, the more one cherishes it after one receives it. And by then these precious blessings will be so much more worth the wait!